Reflecting upon my recent weight loss victory (losing 40 pounds in 3 months!), I am beginning to see the need to take my journey to the next level. I have to incorporate exercise. There is no way around it….but what I don’t understand is my hesitation.

Once upon a time, I loved exercise. I would escape into a world far away from my chaotic life, and exercise 4 to 6 hours per day. I maintained a weight of between 140 to 150.

That was me….and I was NOT afraid of exercise. Now I am terrified to get moving, and I don’t really know why. It is such a huge change. I look at this picture I see someone I don’t know anymore….I see someone who looks happy and at peace with herself.

Where did she go?

Where did this fear of exercise come from?

What exactly am I afraid of?

My 40th birthday is less than 8 month away now….and I am setting goals….and allowing myself to dream about the “what ifs”. I want to change. I want to be free. I want to be the person God wants me to be, and I don’t want to feel like I am going to die at any moment! So what’s the problem????

This is my next challenge on the journey to freedom.

Monday is the “big” day!

I am a bit nervous and excited…but it’s gonna happen. I am going LIVE on Livestream.com! Laughing The program will begin on January 18, 2010 at 8:00 p.m. EST and end at ????

Right now, Livestream.com is going to be the only place I am broadcasting, and I will not be able to do the 24/7 “lifecasting” that was orginially planned. Why? My equipment is too and keeps crashing. I need a new computer for broadcasting…and the Lord will provide it when the time comes.

I am learning that God has many different ways of providing. We often quote Philippians 4:19, “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” but when push comes to shove many us have problems with trusting God to provide…..especially when time is running out and a bill or rent is due…or there is no food…or whatever. Trust is a big issue in the Body of Christ, and I am learning that I have trust issues as well.

This past few weeks, I have seen God provide in ways I would never have expected….and the lesson I have learned is that if the various churches/ministries won’t listen to Him or there is no where in your community you can get help…God will raise up people in other locations to provide!

I have seen this happen more this past month than ever in my faith walk with Christ….and this is going to be the topic for Mondays live broadcast! Wink

You all be blessed and I’ll be talking to you later!

This morning I had a realization…I am turning 40 this year! **gasp** This is a huge milestone in the life of a woman…and I am 9 months away.

I also realized that up until now I have not been putting as much effort into changing my life and losing weight as I could have. It is a year later since I began the weight loss journey and I have only a yo-yo cycle of lose/gain 15 pounds to show for it, and my body is really tired of it!

So the way I see it, I have 9 months to begin the change….

• - change my mindset
• - change my body
• - change my life

Right now, I feel fat, alone and depressed…but these are things that I can change…regardless of situation and environment or my own excuses. I am feeling fat, alone and depressed right now but I don’t have to stay that way.

So what’s the plan?

For the past month, I have been easing into the fasted lifestyle…not for weight loss but for whole body transformation. I have been using the Fast-5 method, and more information about that can be found at http://www.fast-5.com.

I also learning about eating raw and eating clean.

Exercise? Since we don’t have a gym or anything like that here…I have a collection of various workout DVD’s and plus my handy-dandy rebounder. I started back with exercise this morning….and will be building up my endurance over the next few weeks. This morning I did only 10 minutes on the rebounder and felt like I was going to die! So I am really out of shape right now.

Anyway, I think that is about it for now.

God bless you all, and thanks for reading my blog!

Rita

Do you ever have one of those days, weeks, seconds where you kinaa ask yourself…”where are you going with all this?”

That is where I am at right now. I am caught between three things: Christianity, weight loss and what direction the website (mission-freedom.com) is going. I don’t like having a blog for this and a blog for that and don’t forget a website for the rest of the stuff! I want to combine them all but I am learning that in internet-land that can be kinda tricky.

I have a change coming up the end of this month in regards to the website, and I can’t decision which route to take.

So let’s ask some questions?

1.) What is the purpose of Mission Freedom?

Mission Freedom is about learning to be the person God created you to be. It contains tools to help get you started…plus it is an outlet for me to share my journey as well. Mission Freedom is about walking in freedom in every area of life – spirit, soul and body with an emphasis on drawing closer to God.

2.) Spirit?

To learn Kingdom principles that will help us walk in intimacy with God and walk in freedom.

3.) Soul?

To let go of old ways of thinking and old mindsets that hinder us on the journey.

4.) Body?

To get healthy and walk in health, healing and wholeness.

Well that’s a start…….

I am sitting here watching the New Years Ever services for both IHOP-KC and MorningStar….and I have noticed something very important. Both are in worship but the difference is very visible. It is to be expected there would be a difference in style of music. IHOP-KC has a more contemporary style of worship while MorningStar has more of a hillbilly sound. That’s ok.

The style is not where the difference is….but in the whole atmosphere and deliverance of the worship. There is where the difference is visibly noticeable. 

MorningStar has a concert feeling…like they are putting on a show. The musicians look like they are straining…trying too hard to “get there”…meaning the Presence of God. They seem very unorganized and clueless about what they need to do.

IHOP-KC, on the other hand, worship seems effortless, each worshiper has an attitude of “Lord, I love you!”, and it is not chaotic. You get this feeling like God is right there with you…even here in my home watching it online.

I am really surprised at the radical and stark contrast between the two….makes you wonder what is really going on over there at MorningStar!

God bless you all and happy new year!!!!!!!!!

I was sitting here watching today’s broadcast of onething ‘09 and I was struck by the song “You Won’t Relent” by Misty Edwards. This is a favorite song of mine. I play and sing it all the time but it really hit my heart hard just now.

God won’t relent until He has every part of us….but He doesn’t force Himself upon us…He give us the choice. He wants to strip away everything from us that is not of Him and create (not restore or re-create) a new (something that never existed before) inside of me.

This scares me. It scares my flesh to be over-shadowed and over-taken…it scares me to give up my dreams, desires, wants to God but at the same time it is the cry of my heart to have unbridled passion for God. I want to love G-d more than my life, my friends, my family, anything.

And it just occurs to me that I really don’t know the meaning of unbridled passion.

Unbridled (definition):

1.	to remove the bridle from (a horse, mule, etc.).

2.	to free from restraint.

To be free of restraint….to be free of the things that I do on a daily basis that I know is wrong….to be free of my needs and wants….to be free….WOWWOWOW! The stirring inside of me this whole year has been that of freedom. I even named my website Mission Freedom…and I go to a “church” that is called “Freedom Ministries”! I didn’t realize all of that until now.

Now let’s look up the word passion.

Passion (definition):

A powerful emotion

Ardent love

The object of such love or desire

Boundless enthusiasm

An abandoned display of emotion

Unbridled passion means complete and total surrender to God.

I am not sure yet but this one thing I do know …my heart is being created to love G-d more every day! I have this unbridled passion for G-d developing within me and it is causing all the emotions to surface and be dealt with.

As I look at the Scriptures, David had this unbridled passion. This is a man who wasn’t afraid to let go of all and dance “naked” before the the Lord! But this was a man who made mistakes….but he knew the real Secret.

Repentance and restoration.

I believe that at the heart of a Messianic believer is this unbridled passion for God….a passion for repentance, restoration, 24/7 prayer and worship. Since I stepped over from being just a Christian to embracing the Messianic faith…I see this developing in me…and I want more! 

Does that make sense????

Life takes strange twists and turns…and I believe it is taking another twist and turn for me.

I began looking at BlogTV as an alternate to YouTube about a month ago. YouTube is getting more commercial and the drama is getting out of hand….and quite frankly, it kills the joy of making video blogs. So I went looking for other places to vlog and found BlogTV.

I did a couple of show in the last few weeks…just to try things out. It was fun, different and adaptable. The potential is awesome…but I was a newbie in strange waters. I learned that to be successful on BlogTV you must do a couple of things.

1.) BlogTV can be like another IM. You can meet people, chat, hang out and have fun.

or

2.) BlogTV can be a place to share vlogs, opinions, information, resources and more…sorta like a talk show. You provide the information via a “show theme”….people ask questions….and the need to fulfill a creative outlet for vlogging is filled.

I prefer #2. I like the interaction with people, and I am excited about using BlogTV. 

If you’re interested in checking my BlogTV show go to http://www.blogtv.com/People/TheRoseAwakens

Over the past few months, I have been hearing the call to fast, and I admit that I have been rebellious.

Rebellious because I didn’t, and do not, want to give up my source of comfort. Food is a quiet friend who never talks back or judges you. It is just there, offering a counterfeit comfort.

The only problem is that the call to fast has been getting louder and stronger…and it doesn’t help that the intermittent fasting via Fast-5 “dropped into my lap”! I can’t avoid this any longer…no matter how much I have tried. I know that God will not relent until He has all of me and more!

And to further confirm this is the fact that I have been listening to quite a few things coming out of I-HOP. (International House of Prayer) I believe this shocks me more than anyone since I have been so militant in my attitude of negativity to them. I was about as convinced as anyone that they were a cult but over the past few weeks I have noticed a difference.

A difference for the better.

The thing that is causing me to “re-think” I-HOP is their focus on prayer, fasting and worship along with study of God’s Word. These things should be a part of our everyday life and walk with God but, unfortunately, for myself, and others, it is not so….and this is where God is re-shifting me and re-focusing me…and bringing me into alignment with His plans and purposes.

Which brings me back to fasting……

The main focus of any fast should be drawing closer to God and ridding yourself of anything that takes your focus away from God in a healthy, well balanced way.

Some thoughts about fasting: (Click here for more information)

- Fasting Regularly

Participation in regular fasting as a lifestyle necessitates a healthy lifestyle on days when food is not being fasted, and should include exercise and a proper diet. A “fasted lifestyle” is a disciplined lifestyle, in which we steward our bodies and time with wisdom and diligence. Fasting is not only abstention; it is an exchange where we abstain from certain things in order to “feast” on God’s Word and prayer, whereby the abundance of His grace is made more readily available to us. When undertaken with this type of commitment, a fasted lifestyle is sustainable on a long-term basis, just as it was for Daniel and his friends (Dan. 1).

- Fasting is Biblical

The practice of regular fasting as normal Christian behavior was taught by Jesus (Mt. 6:16–17, 9:15), exercised by the early church (Acts 13:2), and has been the regular discipline of believers throughout church history. The practice of fasting in Scripture usually includes, but is not limited to, abstinence from food (Dan. 10:3) and may be engaged in for varying durations—typically for no more than a few days at a time.

Abstaining from all food for extended periods of time is biblical, but was rare and unusual in Scripture (Ex. 34:28; 1 Kgs. 19:5-8; Lk. 4:2), and thus should never be undertaken without counsel and appropriate supervision. The same standard applies to an absolute fast (Esther fast—no food or water for three days) of any duration (Est. 4:16). The maximum length of an adult fast that is biblically supported is forty days without food, for a male adult in good health, and three days without water. The Bible does not speak of children engaging in fasting food.

For more information:

The Rewards of Fasting, Mike Bickle and Dana Candler
Fast Forward, Lou Engle
Shaping History through Prayer and Fasting, Derek Prince
The Genesis Diet, Dr. Gordon Tessler
God’s Chosen Fast, Arthur Wallis
Hunger for God, John Piper
www.billbright.com/howtofast/
www.freedomyou.com

As I travel on this journey to freedom, I am changing…evolving. I am being pulled into areas of growth, deliverance and healing. One of these areas is my health. I know that I cannot keep on the path I am on with regards to my health. I know that things have to change….and I have been asking the Lord what do I need to do.

My health must take priority. Losing weight, healing, deliverance and so on must be dealt with. After more prayer and research, I felt lead to use Intermittent Fasting as my approach toward losing weight, breaking bondage’s and healing. I am a binge eater. I have realized that more these past few weeks than ever before.

After my grandmother went into the nursing home it brought a sizable decrease in household income. It also brought a sizable decrease in available food. It meant that I had to admit that I am a binge eater and that this needs to be dealt with.

I have felt lead to fast for a while now but as a binge eater…I couldn’t even begin to think of life without food…even for an hour! This is an area of my life that is not surrendered to the Lord no matter how much I tried to deceive myself into thinking it was. Food is a crutch, an emotional comfort, a prison to me. That needs to change.

The Lord has been waiting for me to get in line with what He wants to do but I have been rebellious. I have not wanted to give up my source of false comfort….I have not wanted to change and let God overshadow me.

I realize that I am scared of losing me as I allow God to take my life, overshadow it, remake it and heal me. I am scared of God and change…so I remain in bondage. As I step out more into ministry, these things have to go. I can’t expect ministry to be effective if I am not walking the talk!

So….changes come……and Lord, help me completely surrender to you.